My friend Jennifer took me to the doctor this afternoon, and got a backstage pass to my face circus. What a great friend to still love me after this!
The doctor suctioned my nose--and that's aptly named, by the way. The sound of dried blood, mucous, and a combination wad of not so dry sludge filled the office as the instrument slurped off my face.
Imagine my surprise when I was informed that was merely round one! Ho, ho, you silly doctor, right? Um, no.
Round two began with lidocaine, a snipping of the stitch--mf, ow) and an extraction of the splints (envision birthing two pillars from your face and thinking, "I must be Mary Freakin' Poppins to have mastered the art of smuggling those gems up there this week!") followed by an alien probe that sucked out my brains. This was the most uncomfortable part of the procedure. But look how much happier I look! (Look, ma! No brain!)
Then the doctor encouraged me to take a breath, to which I incredulously replied, "Through my nose?"
Yes, genius. Your nose.
This breathing through two adjacent face holes gig is pretty sweet. Nose breathers, I am among you! My lip is still numb, and my face still feels as if a horse has kicked me in the teeth (that's out of line, horse), but otherwise, I am healing nicely.
The doctor gave me a saline rinse to use twice a day until some other rinse and ointments come in.
I return for my next appointment in three weeks.
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